Validating caring for others
However, if your parents did not validate you or themselves, then the chances are that you not only don’t know how to do this for yourself, but you don’t even know that it is your responsibility to do this for yourself.
Since I received very little validation as I was growing, and I never saw my parents validate themselves, I had no idea how to do it or even that it was possible to do this for myself.
The need for validation, whether conscious or not, is universal.
We all want to feel acceptable, worthy, and not-kooky in other people’s eyes. Most of us are a little fuzzy on this concept, and for good reason: Validation can be hard to come by in everyday life.
Validating grief over a loss is relatively easy, since most adults have some personal experience with grief and can easily understand the pain. Here is an example of good validation: Both of Ed’s responses indicate that he’s trying to understand Teresa’s position.
He begins by doing the work of putting two and two together: Teresa wants to cancel tennis today, and her mother’s coming to town next week.
Let’s talk first about what validation like on the receiving end, and then we’ll look at how to do it. Our words, actions and/or feelings make sense to another person.
There’s no judgment in her voice or her heart, just a desire to let Ed know that he’s not crazy, wrong or silly to miss his dog.
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All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version.
Finally, you need to do a third thing to self-validate: You will discover yourself feeling better and better about yourself and needing less and less validation from others as you take these steps. Are you are ready to heal your pain and discover your joy?
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All feelings are informational, letting you know when you are abandoning yourself with your self-judgments and various addictions, and when others are being uncaring toward you and disconnected from you.